


Something To Fall Into

by hwantomibbang



Category: Hwang Minhyun - Fandom, Kim Jaehwan - Fandom, Wanna One
Genre: Angst, Idk what happened, M/M, My mind’s so clouded, don’t ask me what happened, this is supposed to he angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 14:21:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16557404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwantomibbang/pseuds/hwantomibbang
Summary: Hwang Minhyun always had it easy in life. Good looks, good grades, great personality. But one day he just started falling into pieces.





	Something To Fall Into

A hot, sweaty afternoon made Minhyun feel a lot worse than he is already feeling. After being rejected for the nth time, he just wanted to look for a place where he can fall. His legs felt swollen after walking non stop. It felt like a journey without any destination. He felt so lost. He felt so tired that he just wanted to fall somewhere. 

He wanted to go _home_.

_Home_

Does he even have a place he can call home? He doesn’t. What he has is a house. A structure made of walls. Walls that he can’t ever cross. Their house suffocated him. Their house has a rug saying “Welcome Home” buy he never felt being welcomed. Despite being a warm season, summer, what Minhyun felt, as he spends his time on their house, was the cold thin air that envelopes the whole house.

_Buzz. Buzz_

Vibration of his phone echoed through out his body. The sensation made him hiss. It made him aware of what he wants to be unaware of. He wants to stop feeling. He just wanted everything to stop. He fished his phone out of his pocket to check the message he received. It was from Seongwoo, a good friend of his during college. He was inviting him to a party. He accepted the said invitation despite hating parties in general. Seongwoo wasn’t even thinking of inviting Minhyun at the party, since the latter always rejects party invitations. Seongwoo was surprised. Minhyun was as surprised as Seongwoo was. But Minhyun wanted to escape. Escape the home that isn’t his _home_.Escape the pain that he is feeling now. He wanted to forget.

Clearly, Minhyun hasn’t thought through of the decision he just made. He was hesitating whether he should go inside the house in front of them. There were a lot of people, and they are mostly Seongwoo’s friend, but not Minhyun’s friend. This was his first party. _And probably the last,_ “You coming?” His friend looked back at him, observing. Worry shown over Seongwoo’s face. Minhyun shook his head to tell his friend that going to this party was fine with him. Free drinks will be served. Chips, loud sound to take over his loud mind. Which Minhyun thought would be perfect.

_Even for one day I want to stop feeling_

Both friends entered the house. Seongwoo who is a party goer was welcomed by everyone. Minhyun on the other hand gave awkward bows to everyone. Seongwoo just laughed at his friend. Minhyun was dragged by Seongwoo to the kitchen. The loud noise from the living room muffled. “I know you are not the type who drinks, so cola or juice?” Seongwoo offered as he looked for the red cups. Minhyun’s throat tighten. He swallowed the lump around his throat and answered softly. “Beer, I’ll have beer. Please” Startled, Seongwoo nodded as he opened 2 bottles of beer. One for him and one for his inexperience friend. Minhyun knew that his friend was surprised. And he felt the need to explain. “Remember Daniel’s story about his first drink?” Seongwoo nodded, listening to what his friend has to say. He clearly knows how the story went but he still listened, coz he felt that’s what Minhyun needed. Someone who will listen. “I never drink...” He took his first sip from the bottle. The hot liquid entered his mouth. They tasted bitter. _Not as bitter as his life_. He had a hard time swallowing the drink, as it was a new sensation for him. His face showed what he had felt. Seongwoo just giggled and told him not to drink if he doesn’t want to. Minhyun just shook his head and took another sip. He continued “I never liked bitter stuffs, coffee, alcohol.. but I remembered what Daniel’s experience was” Seongwoo laughed at the memory. “We were 12 that time, and he insisted on drinking that he ended up drinking 6 bottles of soju” Seongwoo took a sip from his beer trying to suppress his laugh. “And when he went home, his mom was furious. Who wouldn’t be right? He was only 12” Minhyun played with the bottle that he was holding, rubbing his thumb on the moist. “His mom got so furious that she hit him with the belt countless times” He licked his dry lips. Took another sip. The taste is not that foreign anymore that he think he is getting used to the taste. “But he didn’t feel anything. He didn’t feel any pain. He felt so numb.” He looked at Seongwoo and gulped the whole bottle. “I wanted to feel something like that”

Seongwoo smirked. “You mean, I want to feel nothing like that” The two of them chuckled. “Man, alcohol is never the answer but I understand what you feel right now.” Seongwoo gave his friend another bottle which the other accepted. “Anyways, I’ll just look for Ahyoung Noona. She said she’s already here” And in a swift, his friend was gone. Minhyun stared at the path way where his friend disappeared. And shook his head with his friend’s on and off relationship.

“What a foolish decision” He muttered and gulped another round from his bottle. 

“Don’t we all make a foolish decision, once in a while?” He immediately looked at his back when he heard that voice. The voice that he haven’t heard in a while. He looked to check if his assumption was right.

When their eyes met, the cold and empty stare left Minhyun’s. His gaze turned soft. After all these years, he still gets mesmerized by this person. The moment felt like an oasis to Minhyun, after a long drought he found what he was looking for. “So how are you?” Minhyun asked, the question he always had inside his mind. The question he always wanted to ask. He studied the face of that person. Memorizing every curve, and lines of his face. Appreciating the droopy eyes that the person has. Those soft cheeks that he always wanted to caress. And those plumped lips that he wanted to feel against his.

“Same old, same old? I guess?” He shrugged as he opened his beer. “How bout you Minhyun hyung? How are you?” The younger’s gaze were strong yet soft. That made Minhyun thought it was telling him something, telling him how the younger missed and longed for him. It must be the alcohol kicking in. “I am a wreck” He admitted. The younger held Minhyun’s hand. Reassuring him. “We all are. If you want I can listen, you know? Like old times?”

“I missed you, Jaehwan” Minhyun breathed. Jaehwan was taken a back. “W-what?” He asked, confirming if he heard it right. “I. Miss. You. Kim. Jae. Hwan” The older said slowly. Surprise was evident on the younger’s face, the older was never this bold. He kept everything inside him. So he just laughed at the older. “Ha ha ha very funny Hwangtimental-nim” He replied.

Minhyun took another sip. Trying to hide his disappointment with the younger’s reaction. “I do. I missed you everyday” It must be the alcohol, the younger thought. “Come on Hyung! We know you don’t” He chuckled pulling the bottle away from Minhyun. “It’s the alcohol right? You must be drunk already.” Minhyun just stared at Jaehwan, who is now drinking from the bottle that was on Minhyun’s grasp awhile ago. “But I really do....” Sadness and longing is audible on his voice. The older stared at the younger’s fingers. Trying to find answers without asking. Unfortunately, the boy’s fingers weren’t visible as they were covered by the sweatshirt he was wearing. “Are you happy?” Minhyun broke his silence.

“I’m trying to be” A faint smirk crept on the younger’s lips. And a deep sigh followed. “I should be happy though, I’ve got my dream job. I earn a lot. I unexpectedly, became successful”

“You should be, I’ve always wanted you to be happy” Jaehwan just shook his head as he swigged the beer in his hand. “H-how....” Minhyun trailed, the younger knew what the older was asking. “How is Sejeong?” He finished Minhyun’s question.

“Yeah, h-how is she?”

“Not sure? I think she’s currently in Japan right now? Who knows?”

“What do you mean who knows? Don’t you care about your girlfriend?”

“We broke up......”

“What?” Minhyun was trying to process the new information that he heard. “W-when?”

“About 4 months ago?” Jaehwan shook his head.

“Why?”

“It just didn’t worked out”

“And you just let her go like that? that’s not the Jaehwan I know! Why did you gave her up easily?” Minhyun was frustrated. He never hid his feelings for the younger just to have his heart broken.

“I didn’t, some things just doesn’t work that way... and she no longer loves me. I can’t force her to love me.” Jaehwan laughed as he thought about a weird proposal. “You know, I wanted to forget her. I sometimes wanted to hire those sex workers to keep her away from my thoughts”

“Use me”

“What?” Jaehwan asked, reconfirming what he heard. If he actually heard it right. “I said used me”

This was what Minhyun thought about when he wanted to fall somewhere. He just wanted to fall that he will grab any opportunity given to him.

Minhyun grunted. He was frustrated due to the lack of response from the younger. So frustrated that when he saw Jaehwan’s lips move, he pressed his lips against it. Jaehwan’s lips were soft as Minhyun imagine d them to be. It must be the alcohol that pushed Minhyun to do things that he can’t do when sober. Jaehwan, responded to Minhyun’s kiss. The kiss started sweetly. Soft kissing sounds were heard. From the soft, sweet kiss, the kisses of Jaehwan became aggressive and needy. Jaehwan was the first one to pull away.

“Let’s go to my place. Be mine while I try to forget” Jaehwan proposed which Minhyun accepted without any hesitation.

 _Be mine_ sounded like a symphony to Minhyun’s ears. It might be temporary but in Minhyun’s heart, it will leave a mark. Once it’s done, it might hurt but at the moment Minhyun didn’t cared. He’s already numb when he started _drinking._ He had always been drunk. And drowning himself more was his plan tonight. 

Throbbing headache woke Minhyun up. He was on a king sized bed, must be Jaehwan’s room, filled with white sheets and pillows. He scanned the room, and no sight of the said man. So he went outside, there he saw, Kim Jaehwan, shinning brightly even brighter than the sun. He walked towards him. Closing their gap. That 10cm gap. Before Minhyun can pull Jaehwan into a hug, the younger cleared his throat and greeted him good morning.

Silence envelopes the whole unit, only the clinks of the utensils were audible. The silence was deafening. “Look” Jaehwan said. “Let’s just not go in that road. Let’s be friends, Minhyun hyung” He continued. Minhyun’s hand trembled. How about what happened last night. The older slowly lifted his eyes and looked at the younger. Opened his mouth but immediately closed them. Not able to find the strength to voice his feelings out.

“About last night, the kiss....” He trailed. “That kiss was a mistake. After thinking and weighing everything, that set up isn’t really healthy. I’m sorry...”

“But— Jaehwan? I love you. And it’s fine with me if you will use me to move on... And- and, I don’t really care. I want you to be happy and...” 

“And things will never work out, we both know that”

“I understand... it’s because you don’t love me, right?”

Minhyun knows too well that it will never work. It never worked years ago. How can it work right now? Right now that he’s in his worse state. How can you break something that isn’t whole in the first place right? Minhyun must have been crazy, that he still continued, despite knowing the answer. If it will hurt, it’s better to hurt right now. He can’t possibly break more? Would he?

“Just tell me.... please. Please tell me ‘No’ tell me you don’t love me. Tell me hurtful words that I will have a reason to hate you. A reason to stop loving you”

Minhyun is well aware that wouldn’t be the case. And maybe, he’ll never move on. And the feeling will always be there despite being numb. Maybe somethings will just never go on how we like it.

The younger responded with three long words that was carved inside the older’s heart.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is crappy huhuhu. Sorry
> 
> Anyways, there is an upcoming MinHwan project follow us on twitter: [@MH_Dusk](http://www.twitter.com/Mh_Dusk)
> 
> We can spazz too on my twitter:  
> [@HwanSlave](http://www.twitter.com/hwanslave)


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